"Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol" KICKS ASS

I don't even know where to begin with this one. Just wow. I was a huge fan of Mission: Impossible III, but Ghost Protocol completely blows it out of the water. The story and the new cast definitely make this a fresh and stylish installment, but a lot of the praise has to go to director Brad Bird whose skills in the world of animation where anything can happen result in impossible ideas and stunts being somewhat believable with real people. And even if you chuckle to yourself about how ridiculously insane some of the action is, it's still cool as hell.

The movie starts off with Josh Holloway (Sawyer from Lost) on a mission gone wrong (just one of several, so I guess some things are impossible even though every mission ends up being probable, but I digress). And it's a shame because let's be honest, this guy should be in more stuff. Then we find Ethan Hunt, you know Tom Cruise, in jail. The hilarious and now man in the field Benji, played by the always delightful Simon Pegg, helps get him out. Then we meet Agent Carter, played by Paula Patton. Hot damn. Good addition to the film. Anyway, they must recover a file containing launch codes that could start a nuclear war. They're about to fall into the hands of some Russian psycho code-named "Cobalt." So then they break into the Kremlin to get info about him. Other guys are there and blow their cover so the IMF is blamed and thus disavowed, hence Ghost Protocol. I'm giving away too much information that you can probably already tell from the preview, but long story short, they have to clear their name and stop the bad guy. But my God, do they do it in style. Also, Jeremy Renner joins in as William Brandt, the Secretary's analyst...or is he? And if you're wondering where the usual teammates are like Luther Stickell, played by Ving Rhames, you'll find out.

I saw this in IMAX, which for $18.50 really isn't worth it, but I had a gift card so whatever. Although only a handful of scenes are actually filmed with the IMAX camera, they're mind blowing. I was jumping and cringing feeling like I was hanging from the Burj Khalifa in Dubai (world's tallest building). I felt engulfed in a sandstorm. I felt like the Kremlin was blowing up around me. Just super intense. Full immersion! Leave it to Brad Bird to completely push it to the limit. It was literally The Incredibles on speed and with real actors. 

Only someone with a movie like that on his resume could create and make full use of the amazing technology in this film. Sure there are iPhones and iPads, and if you don't think the iPad is an incredible device, it's in a Mission Impossible film, so it's pretty sick, but there's so much more. There's a giant screen that unfolds from a pocket-sized device producing the image of a hallway Hunt and Benji are in and can hide behind. I mean, what?! How do you even come up with that idea. And a hovering magnetic suit. And gloves that allow you to climb a building. Those actually suck though, hence Cruise's amazing stunts, which he actually does himself. I've noticed that multiple devices are quite faulty. But hey, you need conflict to drive the story.

In conclusion, Mission Impossible - Ghost Protocol is pure action, but not in a crappy Transformers way, although it is a big budget film. This film incorporates multiple locations, a very entertaining story line, awesome characters, and amazing stunts. I wasn't bored for a second. There's even a little mystery going on. It has it all. It won't be nominated for any Oscars or anything, except probably sound and those ones you don't remember that the Bourne movies won, but this is why we go to the movies. Entertainment. And trust me, you won't find anything in the theaters more entertaining than this mission. A tip of the hat to Brad Bird and Tom Cruise who give it their all and pull it off splendidly. And a wink to Paula Patton.

Stars: 4/4

Don't Want To Pass Along Anything Nice To These "Descendants"

WARNING: Although this is my little website full of my opinions about movies, I try my best not to ramble on about how I, personally, feel about the latest film I've seen. I do what I can to find the things that others may enjoy even if I couldn't care less. That being said, I'm informing you ahead of time that I have a serious bone to pick with The Descendants and all similar films that the Academy and other motion picture award organizations seem to regard as extraordinary work. I will rant, and I may even curse (I'll use asterisks when necessary) . Prepare yourselves. Don't worry though because I will (hopefully) never write another review like this one and it's a little unprofessional, but for right now it's just my blog so deal with it. After I see Mission Impossible and Dragon Tattoo and all that, I will right my usual awesome reviews.

F*** George Clooney. Am I right? The guy really isn't that good of an actor. He's half the reason why everyone is saying this will win Best Picture. Him and Alexander Payne (director and co-writer). Now, I don't want to drop a deuce on him because I've never seen Sideways and I've heard it's pretty good. But his style of directing is what makes Clooney look good in this movie to those who don't know better. Let me sum up the movie before I get too crazy.

So Clooney's wife is in a coma after a boating accident, but they've had trouble before that. He learns that she will never come out of it and the doctors have to pull the plug. Clooney is left with his younger daughter, and then decides to pick up his older daughter, Shailene Woodley of ABC Family's "Being Pregnant and a Teenager and S***" or something, from the boarding school she attends. (Rumor has it that she'll be nominated for Best Supporting Actress. I'll dispute that nonsense in a bit.) This gem of a daughter alerts Clooney that his wife was cheating on him with Shaggy Rogers (Matthew Lillard whose character is actually Brian Speer, but he was in Scooby-Doo so you know). So then Clooney tries to hunt this guy down to see his face, then eventually tell him about his wife so he can visit her in the hospital before she passes (how nice). All the while, here's where the title comes in, Clooney is trying to decide whether or not to sell a huge piece of Hawaiian land for millions of dollars that his family has passed down to him and his like 7,000 cousins, the descendants.

Tough dilemma for Clooney, right? You feel bad for him? Well don't. Every character in this movie is an ass****. It's hard to care when everyone is so awful. Let's critique the acting.

George Clooney does not deserve Best Actor or even a nomination. Up in the Air I can get behind, but not this one. By playing really depressing Hawaiian music while zooming in on his sad face, way too many times I might add, isn't good acting. The Academy falls for that garbage though. When you get a reputation like Clooney you can do anything. And he's so god**** unlikable in this movie.

Now Shailene Woodley. I've learned that it's okay for me to consider her attractive because now I know she's my age so I got that going for me. But if people think she deserves an Oscar nom for this role, then she should've won every Emmy Award for her performance in that Secret Life show. She may capture the angst of a teenage girl, but I think she's supposed to be a little older in The Descendants. She goes from complaining about everything and cursing in front of her kid sister to acting like a mother around her. And the little girl is terrible. As bad as the rest of them. When she cried in the hospital, I couldn't feel bad at all.

And then Woodley has to drag along her buddy to stay sane or whatever and this kid is a complete tool. He's a stoner who claims to be smart and we've all met someone like this, but even the most dirtbag of kids knows to shake a man's hand and say "Nice to meet you" as opposed to "'Sup bro?" Then he laughs at his friend's grandma who has alzheimer's. Really? Compose yourself in public bro.

Just when I thought I couldn't hate this movie any more, that redhead who is literally in everything shows up. This is the first time I've bothered to look up her name. It's Judy Greer. She was actually pretty good though. And surprisingly, so was Shaggy.

When I first heard about this movie, I had zero interest. I thought Ides of March would be Clooney's Oscar movie, and The Descendants would be just another paycheck. They both received good reviews from critics, but I enjoyed Ides of March a hell of a lot more. The Descendants does not deserve all the praise it's received. At first I thought, "Oh okay, it's kind of real, but in a way where people you barely know tell you everything going on in their life and you just don't care, kind of like how you sort of know these actors." Not all movies have to be entertaining so I get that, but this wasn't real. Would people actually do all this jibber jabber? (Best part of the movie, by the way, when the grandpa says that...but he's a d*** like everyone else.) 

In conclusion, I refuse to fall for the bull style of filmmaking that the Academy deems superior to all else. Obviously, the Academy hasn't come out with its nominations yet, but the Golden Globes pave the way. This type of movie has Oscar written all over it, but it really shouldn't. The reason The King's Speech won over The Social Network last year is because Speech had that Oscar scent to it. Both movies were fantastic, but everyone knows Network should have won.

I apologize for ranting like an old man, but then again I think all the old men in the theater with me enjoyed it. I know the old ladies behind me with constant commentary, even discussing how nice Clooney's feet are, enjoyed it, so maybe I'm not an old man, but actually too young to appreciate it (I don't actually believe that, I'm just saying it). I thought it was a great idea for a movie, but I had zero genuine feelings for any of the characters. I could just be looking for a negative review after seeing several excellent movies lately, trying to mix it up, but I simply cannot get behind this one. I didn't like it from the beginning with Clooney's narration that lasts 20 minutes then disappears (lazy writing) and thought it would pick up, but sadly it did not.

Just to be a bit of a follower and to avoid sounding like a dumb kid who didn't get the complexity of the film, I'll give The Descendants 2/4 Stars. I know it sounds like I should give it less, but the only reason why I hated it so much is because everyone else thinks it's amazing when it really isn't. I wouldn't be this angry if people didn't put it on such a high pedestal.

The Game Is Afoot With "Sherlock Holmes" And It's A Fun One

Just two years after the original, Robert Downey Jr. returns to his Golden Globe Award winning role in Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows.  The sequel involves Sherlock hunting down the mysterious man behind all the mischief in the first film who was revealed to be Professor Moriarty, played by Jared Harris of Mad Men who looks like Conan O'Brien's twin with that red beard.  Back by Holmes' side of course, and not exactly by choice, is his reluctant yet trusty pal Dr. Watson (Jude Law) who has recently set a date for his wedding.  Luckily for him, among all the chaos brought about by his inconvenient best man, the wedding goes as planned, but the honeymoon is a different story.

Moriarty is aware that the intelligent Holmes is right on his tail after figuring out all the clues left behind throughout his various evil plans, but his brainpower just about equals that of Holmes.  With ideas of corruption in his mind and a plethora of henchmen, Moriarty always remains a few steps ahead of our hero.  At one point, we even see Holmes truly suffer and we learn that he is indeed human and not some ingenious 19th century robot.  

To reveal Moriarty's plan would give away too much of the mystery.  You may find yourself confused as hell for a while due to the Mulroneys' screenplay and Guy Ritchie's direction, but therein lies some of the fun.  Plus, when you figure it out 2/3 of the way in, you'll feel like a young Sherlock yourself.  What I can tell you is that this film is as entertaining and thrilling as the first.  It may not necessarily be superior, but it's a hell of a good time.

The chemistry between RDJ and Jude Law is still incredibly enjoyable and the action still packs a punch.  One of the only disappointments is that we've seen it all before.  In the first film, the slow motion effects and planning of every move in Holmes' head had a very unique style.  Now it's a bit overplayed and one scene even involves Moriarty doing the same thing, which is a little over the top.  The slow motion scenes outside of Holmes' mind may get a tad goofy, but they're pretty damn cool.  The entirety of the train scene as well as the one set in the forest with bullets flying everywhere (both played in multiple promotions for the movie) truly captivate the audience.  The action and the mystery will surely keep you entertained.

Besides the recurring Ritchie style in some fight sequences and newcomer Noomi Rapace's mundane performance as some gypsy woman dressed like Jack Sparrow, Game of Shadows is certainly an acceptable sequel to Sherlock Holmes.  Downey, Law, Harris, and Stephen Fry who plays Sherlock's brother, all deliver the goods.  And the comedy kept me laughing pretty hysterically during all the non-action scenes.  Brace yourself for Stanley the butler and Holmes' Li'l Sebastian-like horse.  Overall, a very pleasing film and a great start to what looks like a promising holiday season for cinema.  However, I'm glad I saw this before Mission Impossible because those stunts look f'ing intense.

Stars: 3/4

The Most Sensational, Inspirational, Celebrational "Muppets" Movie Ever

I could write this review in one sentence if I wanted to, and that one sentence would go a little something like this: The Muppets is one of the most entertaining, smile-producing and basically greatest movies I've ever seen.  But since I am committed to writing thorough reviews, I will do the same for The Muppets.  But seriously, it was amazing.  Go see it.

It has been twelve years since the last Muppets movie, Muppets From Space, and leave it to one of the most likable, hilarious guys in the business to revive the franchise: Jason Segel.  After seeing several talk show interviews featuring Segel, I've learned about his obsession with puppets.  He applied this interest to one of my favorite comedies ever: Forgetting Sarah Marshall.  This was just a stepping stone for the puppet-loving comedian that would lead to this wonderful version of the Muppets.

Teaming up with the director of Sarah Marshall, Nicholas Stoller, Segel co-wrote the movie full of funny, catchy, happy songs that fans of all ages will be humming as they exit the theater.  The story within the film relates to what Segel and Stoller are doing off-screen, which is bringing the Muppets back into pop culture.  Segel's character, Gary, is related to a new Muppet named Walter who is the number one fan of Kermit and the gang.  When the two of them, along with Gary's girlfriend Mary, played by the lovable Amy Adams, leave Smalltown USA for a trip to Los Angeles, they find out that the Muppet Theater is not as remarkable as it used to be.  If this discovery wasn't bad enough, they soon learn that it is going to be demolished by an oilman named Tex Richman, perfectly played by Chris Cooper, in order to reach the oil located beneath it.  This leads to an important mission initiated by Walter that involves getting the whole group back together and saving the theater.  To do so they must stage "The Greatest Muppet Telethon Ever" and raise $10 million to get Richman off their former property.

As Gary, Mary, and Walter work their way from Kermit to Miss Piggy, picking up every other Muppet in between, they come across a batch of celebrity cameos.  Unlike the unbearable A-list filled movies like Valentine's Day and the upcoming New Year's Eve, these cameos don't feel forced at all.  You can tell that these stars are not in it just for the paycheck, but are there for the Muppets.  Most of them probably grew up with Jim Henson's classic characters and their comeback is as special for them as it is for your Average Joe.

Although I didn't grow up with The Muppet Show, I had my VHS tapes of Muppet Treasure Island and Muppets From Space, and since I had these films growing up, the new movie triggered my nostalgia for the Muppets.  Plus, I recently attended the Jim Henson exhibit at the Museum of the Moving Image for my Understanding Television class and I learned everything about them from Henson's start in college to Mahna Mahna and more.  And just as Henson set out to do, the Muppets truly feel like real live creatures and not just pieces of fabric wrapped around hands.  I couldn't help but tear up when Kermit came out on stage on a log ready to sing "Rainbow Connection."

It seems as if this movie was made more for fans like Segel who grew up with them, but I imagine that children who have never seen anything involving the Muppets will enjoy it as well.  There are certainly multiple things that will go over their heads, like the barbershop scene with a rendition of Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit," but they'll still get a kick out it.  

The magic of The Muppets is that it can bring out the child in even the biggest curmudgeons like Statler and Waldorf.  Although it focused primarily on Kermit, Fozzie, and Miss Piggy, leaving out the rest of the gang, it was still near perfect.  And this just leaves more room for future films (but I'd be fine without them because we don't need sequels ruining something like this).  

I'm not lying when I say watching this film was the happiest hour and 42 minutes I've had in a long time.  I'm not sure if that's a sign of my pathetic life or that this movie is simply that good. I could go on and on about The Muppets, but those of you who are reading this and haven't seen it need to open up a new tab and check the times at your local theater.  Get there early too because there's another Toy Story short before it begins.  You may think you can't get any more Disney wonder than what comes along with any Pixar production, but believe me, The Muppets will leave you as happy if not more so than when you left the theater showing Toy Story 3.  Movies like these help us realize that sometimes "life's a happy song."

4/4 Stars